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Top 10 Things that Scare Me
A Larry Page Classic
(circa 1998)

  1. Ferris wheels
    I must have cried/pissed in my pants about half a dozen times when I was a little kid. Ferris wheels are the work of the devil.
  2. The laughing baby-headed sun on the Teletubbies
    Have you seen this thing? A giggling sun created by a giant yellow severed baby head. In the seeming eternity it take for it to creep up onto the screen, I expect its eye to start bleeding or something.
  3. Sanitary napkins
    I have gone grocery shopping before and have had to pick up a box for a female member of the family. Maybe it seems silly and immature to be embarrassed. But you have to understand, I don't even like carrying around my birth control pills.
  4. Christian extremists
    [this entry has been censored by God]
  5. Wal-Mart
    Every day I witness zombie-like suburbanites as they gather at to bow down to the Walton family.
  6. Nuclear weapons
    I guess most weapons kinda scare me.. except guns. Guns are cool. He he. Guns. Geez, I love them so much.
  7. Antique dolls
    Child's Play didn't scare me but antique dolls do. I think it is because they are old. Old people scare me too. But that's because they smell like rotting flesh.
  8. Reba McEntire
    What? You like them?
  9. The popularity of Jerry Springer
    I dunno why so many people watch it. I mean when I want to see people fight all I do is make up lies about my friends.
  10. Slugs and poison ivy
    I see them and I have an immediate fear that there is something on me. I feel dirty, like a drunk prostitute chewing on a used condom.
This is static list. It will never change. If I decide to make another list on the same topic, this list will be catalogued. Created: Circa 1998